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Now ye’re talking - to someone with mental illness

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    #62
    okatied
    Registered Users Posts: 68 ✭✭okatied


    Thanks for taking all these questions.
    I've battled with depression since having my kids including suicide attempts and hospitalisation, and one of the symptoms that I couldn't get my head around was the insatiable sex drive when I was well. How do you manage this? Is your partner enough or do you have to look elsewhere? My husband wasn't enough for me and I ended up finding people online but that can be really dangerous. I honestly thought I was bipolar but my psych says I'm nowhere near bipolar.


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    #63
    Hazys
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,510 ✭✭✭Hazys


    I thought this was an interesting read about a College Basketball player who suffered from depression. Probably not for everyone but i thought i would share.

    https://np.reddit.com/r/CollegeBasketball/comments/2yx0bd/im_mark_titus_ama/cper4g7/?context=3


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    #64
    Feu
    Registered Users Posts: 705 ✭✭✭Feu


    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA wrote: »
    Just ask your GP for a referral. There is a fair old wait though. :( Alternatively you can go up North for about €500 privately but then follow up is an issue.


    Also check out the thread here, started by a boardsie with ADHD.

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057610250


    Thanks very much IRMFIAMA, much appreciated. I think it is invaluable for anyone to read about yours and others experiences, but particularly younger men, who as you say might seek help sooner.


    You've touched on work setting, psychiatric care, good friends and family, in addition, is there any practical tips that you've learned that helped you e.g. a particular type of exercise, taking time out, talking to someone specific, anything you have modified in your schedule to help support your mental health on an ongoing basis?


    many thanks!


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    #65
    Bandana boy
    Registered Users Posts: 4,325 ✭✭✭Bandana boy


    Do you have or want kids ?
    have you concerns about your illness being hereditary ?


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    #66
    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA
    Company Representative Posts: 42 Verified rep ✭I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA


    PTH2009 wrote: »
    ill give a bit of my information and see can u relate

    i was prescribed Anti Depressents and Rispiridone in the Summer of 2013 and i felt so bad taking them and it really effected me in a negative way. I had trouble sleeping, ballooning in weight, had no energy, felt very irratable esp in work. I gave up the Anti depressents a few months after and didnt stop the rispiridone til April 2015 after i had enough of the side effects. May sound stupid but i started drinking more and more on the tablets, i felt i didnt want to be anywhere else but the pub. My mam passed away in Jan 2014 and that would of been the height of the troubles with the tablets. 2014/2015 was for me Drinking 3 times a week (sometimes less but still having a strong intake), struggling in work and not getting on with people, still grieving, gaining weight and low energy. I was attending a free mental health clinic who prescribed the drugs and i hated every second of it. the long boring wait in the waiting room with no wifi and bad 3G, place full of misrible people, the **** radio station playing over and over and then the strict doctor not listening to me and telling me to keep on the tablets even though im struggling with them. I stopped going to them in 2016 i think. Its now 2018 and im losing weight, not drinking as much, going to things on my own confidently. I have a few weights at home which i try and do a few times a week, i do 100 push ups a day (except when hungover lol) and go out for walks around town. I suffer from slight aspergers which was not found til i was 23 and it was after my longest relationship so i can relate to some of my faults. From reading about aspergers i can see some of the effects it has on me

    Why im still hear today is for the gigs i go too ( i always need something to look forward too), boards actually helped me as i can relate to a lot of things here i cant in real life. Its all started in 2013 over an incident in work and id be scared to think what could of happend if things had gone the other way (not getting to the incident). My Nephew and neice have come along in 2014/2015 so i want to see them grow up and irratate me lol. I want to havemy own family and nice job some day. I want to travel to a few other places. Why id hate suicide is all the people who will say 'ah i didnt knw he suffered' and will make up stories and fake opinions

    I have a low speaking voice which i cant fix, I work in retail so i can get irratated when i have to repeat myself (i feel people arent listening to me) and its hurts my confidence. I prob speak lower than i think and come as i a bit of a prick as i do the whole sying thing when i have to repeat myself. I dont sleep very well so sometimes im probly tired. Its frustrating having to repeat over and over and the dreaded WHAT???? is like poision.

    Im 28 now and hoping to do an online course before the year is out and try and find a full time job with hours i knw. Im in my current job 10 years and i do like it but its the not knowing what hours ill be on as the hours change every week etc. Im slowly starting on online dating which im not a fan of but it might help me find a girlfriend

    Id be a loner in some aspects but i feel good doing it as it gives me a bit of space. I like travelling to gigs/events alone as i cant make up my own mind of what to do and where to go. Its always nice to have someone with you though. Sad reality is my gig bucket list is almost empty but money and time willing i can repeat it lol

    Hopefully u can give me your opinion ???

    There is, unfortunately, a two tier system of some very good private care and free/public care being somewhat overwhelmed. I had a stint with my Psychiatrist of the 'stay on the tablets attitude' in my case though there was some merit to what she was saying and they were willing to change medications after two-three weeks if you weren't happy on them. In the public, see you once every six week or so' system they'll prescribe and try and keep you on it, it seems. I can relate, that's what is was like with my GP.

    Some of the stuff I'm on is being used off label. Zyban for example is used for smoking cessation in Ireland, but it's also an excellent anti-depressant. So it really helps if you can see a specialist.

    As for the rest hang in there! Job will get better - do that course! My brother-in-law who is classic Aspergers (undiagnosed/maybe not) has just married a lovely girl 14 years younger than him the bar-steward.

    Get out of retail/customer service if you can, it's enough to do anyone's head in. There are loads of options out there at the moment as the economy is heating up again, civil service are hiring again.

    If I've not answered your question fully please do ask again and I'll try to answer it better. Other than that I empathise and would like to say I know how you feel, but in reality we're all so different it's impossible to say that IMHO.


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    #67
    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA
    Company Representative Posts: 42 Verified rep ✭I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA


    okatied wrote: »
    Thanks for taking all these questions.
    I've battled with depression since having my kids including suicide attempts and hospitalisation, and one of the symptoms that I couldn't get my head around was the insatiable sex drive when I was well. How do you manage this? Is your partner enough or do you have to look elsewhere? My husband wasn't enough for me and I ended up finding people online but that can be really dangerous. I honestly thought I was bipolar but my psych says I'm nowhere near bipolar.

    Jesus, twins! Sex addiction or simply an extremely high sex drive is something that's very hard to get help for in Ireland. There are SA (Sexaholics Anonymous) groups but they're difficult enough to find/get to.

    I'm going to be 100% honest here and say no my partner wasn't enough, I too went online amongst other things, it something we've still not fully dealt with which isn't fair on her. I had the same worry with Bipolar - turned out to be symptomatic of the ADHD, the meds for that have helped somewhat.

    I'm of absolutely no help I'm afraid other than to say - there's someone else in the same boat, struggling with the same thing. It's a massive relief to me there at least someone else out there! I fully understand if you don't feel the same though!


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    #68
    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA
    Company Representative Posts: 42 Verified rep ✭I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA


    Feu wrote: »
    Also check out the thread here, started by a boardsie with ADHD.

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057610250


    Thanks very much IRMFIAMA, much appreciated. I think it is invaluable for anyone to read about yours and others experiences, but particularly younger men, who as you say might seek help sooner.


    You've touched on work setting, psychiatric care, good friends and family, in addition, is there any practical tips that you've learned that helped you e.g. a particular type of exercise, taking time out, talking to someone specific, anything you have modified in your schedule to help support your mental health on an ongoing basis?


    many thanks!

    Meds has been the main thing for me. Bags of patience getting them right with an absolute top banana shrink I wouldn't have been able to afford but for the health insurance.

    After that it's just taking time out for myself, trying to keep to a routine - this is key for me and practicing a couple of things they taught in hospital. Firstly radical acceptance of things one can not change and secondly trying to detach oneself from one emotional state and look at it objectively, generally that involves some sitting quietly, some might call it meditation I find that a bit fluffy but it works for a lot of people. (Anecdotally)


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    #69
    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA
    Company Representative Posts: 42 Verified rep ✭I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA


    Bandana boy wrote: »
    Do you have or want kids ?
    have you concerns about your illness being hereditary ?

    Actively trying at the moment. I don't really worry that much as my parents are pretty solid so hopefully it skips a generation and it'll be my grandkids I'll have to worry about!


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    #70
    derb12
    Registered Users Posts: 473 ✭✭derb12


    How were your younger years? At what age we’re you first aware of mental health problems?
    Thanks for doing this.


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    #71
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    When was the first moment of "oh ****, I need help"?

    What are your coping mechanisms?

    Do you plan to eventually get entirely off meds?


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    #72
    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA
    Company Representative Posts: 42 Verified rep ✭I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA


    derb12 wrote: »
    How were your younger years? At what age we’re you first aware of mental health problems?
    Thanks for doing this.

    Up until about 30 great, loads of energy and drive. I'd say 30 was when I was first aware of an issue.


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    #73
    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA
    Company Representative Posts: 42 Verified rep ✭I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA


    Deleted User wrote: »
    When was the first moment of "oh ****, I need help"?

    What are your coping mechanisms?

    Do you plan to eventually get entirely off meds?

    It was sort of gradual, but the issues at work sparked it off I think. Looking back this was probably when I first started to have issues.

    Meditation/trying to manage my own state really, but mainly the meds.

    Hopefully, but I'd rather be on them and well than off them and bad again. Under medical advice I'm sure they'll eventually try tapering me down and seeing what happens.


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    #74
    clfy39tzve8njq
    Closed Accounts Posts: 597 ✭✭✭clfy39tzve8njq


    Great AMA thanks for doing it. Do you ever think about all the chemicals you're putting into your body and does that cause you any anxiety ?


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    #75
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA wrote: »
    It was sort of gradual, but the issues at work sparked it off I think. Looking back this was probably when I first started to have issues.

    Meditation/trying to manage my own state really, but mainly the meds.

    Hopefully, but I'd rather be on them and well than off them and bad again. Under medical advice I'm sure they'll eventually try tapering me down and seeing what happens.


    Thanks for doing this. It's refreshing to here someone elses story in detail. I'm trying to think of more questions.



    To add my own experience, I'm only on mild SSRI's and have no intention of coming off them. It used to be a dark secret of mine but I don't care anymore. I use the analogy of any other medication. If you have a headache, you take paracetamol. I suffer from anxiety, I take SSRI's. I didn't realise how badly I suffered from anxiety until I tried them. The anxiety never affected what I could and couldn't do in my daily life but its massively improved my quality of life. Sometimes I can see the symptoms in other people and I want to tell them to try them but I don't think its my place to diagnose people. Should we get to that stage? I would offer paracetamol in a heart beat.


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    #76
    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA
    Company Representative Posts: 42 Verified rep ✭I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA


    Brady Tasteless Grape wrote: »
    Great AMA thanks for doing it. Do you ever think about all the chemicals you're putting into your body and does that cause you any anxiety ?

    This might sound a bit blunt but in my case the alternative is probably suicide so really I don't worry too much about the meds! :pac:

    That said there was a scare that certain meds can cause dementia I do worry about that a bit, but the alternative... Having said that, most of the stuff I'm on has been around for years and I do some research on the stuff, so if there is any one particular med that worries me I can always move off it. Cymbalta was scary as it has terrible side effects and withdrawal effects for some people. I was grand for the most part and manged to get the main side effect under control.


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    #77
    clfy39tzve8njq
    Closed Accounts Posts: 597 ✭✭✭clfy39tzve8njq


    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA wrote:
    This might sound a bit blunt but in my case the alternative is probably suicide so really I don't worry too much about the meds!

    Blunt is fine :-) Thanks for your answer.


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    #78
    Wanderer2010
    Registered Users Posts: 6,663 ✭✭✭Wanderer2010


    Have you ever had a bad experience with a co worker, friend or even a doctor or counsellor where you felt that they were demeaning the fact that mental illness is a real thing? Any nasty comments? I find it hard these days to take anyone who says "I don't believe in depression" seriously.


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    #79
    LilRedDorcha
    Registered Users Posts: 455 ✭✭LilRedDorcha


    Wanderer2010 wrote: »
    Have you ever had a bad experience with a co worker, friend or even a doctor or counsellor where you felt that they were demeaning the fact that mental illness is a real thing? Any nasty comments? I find it hard these days to take anyone who says "I don't believe in depression" seriously.

    I had a manager say that depression wasn't a real sickness when she knew I was on anti depressants. This was only last year.


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    #80
    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA
    Company Representative Posts: 42 Verified rep ✭I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA


    Wanderer2010 wrote: »
    Have you ever had a bad experience with a co worker, friend or even a doctor or counsellor where you felt that they were demeaning the fact that mental illness is a real thing? Any nasty comments? I find it hard these days to take anyone who says "I don't believe in depression" seriously.

    I've been pretty lucky. Work have gone along with things and no my colleagues have been very supportive.


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    #81
    Galwayguy35
    Registered Users Posts: 16,272 ✭✭✭✭Galwayguy35


    Very interesting AMA, I' remember as a kid a few cousins of mine suffered from mental health issues but back then it was never discussed so it's interesting to hear first hand from someone who went through it.

    I don't have a question but I just want to thank the OP for doing the AMA.


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    #82
    dellas1979
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭dellas1979


    Hello,

    I was wondering, what goes through your mind when thinking or attempting suicide.

    What drives you to the brink? Is it a chemical "I cant control myself" or a "I am so ashamed etc of myself/useless, I cant be here."

    I dont understand why a person cant pull themselves out of it.

    Can any thought pull you out of it? (I mean, the fact that your friends/family would hurt/miss you).

    A friend of mine had attempted a few times, and Ive had moments when Ive thought "am so useless, noone would even miss me" moments (I thing most people have thought something similar at some stage), but always snapped out of the negative thinking.

    Is it that ye hate yerselves so much and cant see a way out?


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    #83
    ouxbbkqtswdfaw
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,253 ✭✭✭ouxbbkqtswdfaw


    Have you ever thought that psychiatry is a pseudoscience? Is there any real basis for all its theories? I have never met anyone who interacted with psychiatry ending up without any medicine or tablets. No one seems to get cured. Brain imbalance of chemicals is generally given as the cause of many mental illnesses. It's convenient that no proof is given for this diagnosis. Just Google it to see the amount of scepticism regarding psychiatry.


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    #84
    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA
    Company Representative Posts: 42 Verified rep ✭I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA


    dellas1979 wrote: »
    Hello,

    I was wondering, what goes through your mind when thinking or attempting suicide.

    What drives you to the brink? Is it a chemical "I cant control myself" or a "I am so ashamed etc of myself/useless, I cant be here."

    I dont understand why a person cant pull themselves out of it.

    Can any thought pull you out of it? (I mean, the fact that your friends/family would hurt/miss you).

    A friend of mine had attempted a few times, and Ive had moments when Ive thought "am so useless, noone would even miss me" moments (I thing most people have thought something similar at some stage), but always snapped out of the negative thinking.

    Is it that ye hate yerselves so much and cant see a way out?

    It's pain pure and simple really, or it was in my case. You're in so much mental anguish that you're seeking relief. In my case anyway. Yes there are, thankfully, things that pull you out of it. My family being a major one for me. There are ancillary things running through you head like, people will be better off without me, or I'm a bad person because of X but it's all inner monologue really. It's the emotional pain at issue.

    One of the things they teach you in hospital is everyone has those negative thoughts, and weird thoughts like 'I'm going to pour this hot coffee on you if you don't move out of the way' things like that but they pass. It's a coping strategy I have now that I can think 'this will pass'.

    I hope that gives you some insight, it's rather difficult to explain.


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    #85
    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA
    Company Representative Posts: 42 Verified rep ✭I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA


    y8pqxwgf2denr0 wrote: »
    Have you ever thought that psychiatry is a pseudoscience? Is there any real basis for all its theories? I have never met anyone who interacted with psychiatry ending up without any medicine or tablets. No one seems to get cured. Brain imbalance of chemicals is generally given as the cause of many mental illnesses. It's convenient that no proof is given for this diagnosis. Just Google it to see the amount of scepticism regarding psychiatry.

    By the time you've got to a psychiatrist you've generally been through at least one medical professional that's recommended something else. Psychiatrist are generally only seen one all else has failed, not that there is much provision for 'all else'. Counselling is very hit and miss and it's nigh on impossible to see a proper phycologist outside of hospital.

    I think the chemical imbalance thing is given as a very crude and simple example to aid the likes of me understand our illness. The proof though, as they say, is in the pudding. Once the right medication was found, I felt 1000 times better and have been told I need to be on the medication for at least a year, probably two. Now it's important to note that Anti-depressants don't make you feel 'good' only 'normal' (if you're lucky!) and only work if there is underlying depression.

    Now I also have an underactive thyroid that means I'm on a (very small) does of eltroxin everyday. I'll never come off that - perhaps there's something similar in my brain, perhaps it's just a temporary thing. The shrink I see was a consultant in another field, quite a senior one, before switching to psychiatry. I can't imagine she would have switched into a field of pseudoscience but who really knows.


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    #86
    JCX BXC
    Registered Users Posts: 18,106 ✭✭✭✭JCX BXC


    Was there any element of "I don't care anymore" in your experience?


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    #87
    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA
    Company Representative Posts: 42 Verified rep ✭I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA


    JCX BXC wrote: »
    Was there any element of "I don't care anymore" in your experience?

    Yes and no. You stop caring about certain things like work but you care too much about other things like that silly little argument you've had with your partner. There is also a sense of emotional numbness but that didn't really lead me down a path of contemplating suicide, it just made me pretty ineffective at life.


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    #88
    Bredabe
    Registered Users Posts: 4,002 ✭✭✭Bredabe


    dellas1979 wrote: »
    Hello,

    I was wondering, what goes through your mind when thinking or attempting suicide.

    What drives you to the brink? Is it a chemical "I cant control myself" or a "I am so ashamed etc of myself/useless, I cant be here."

    I dont understand why a person cant pull themselves out of it.

    Can any thought pull you out of it? (I mean, the fact that your friends/family would hurt/miss you).

    A friend of mine had attempted a few times, and Ive had moments when Ive thought "am so useless, noone would even miss me" moments (I thing most people have thought something similar at some stage), but always snapped out of the negative thinking.

    Is it that ye hate yerselves so much and cant see a way out?

    What I hear again and again on this is, as op said, pain has gotten to the stage that its unbearable, add to that the unacceptance of ordinary life of different approaches to life(for example, if I cant use online banking and the bank refuses me counter-service, but I still need to do the transaction x 10000000 ).

    That unacceptance brings about the 'how useless am I' thinking followed by 'ppl would be better off without me' once this thinking kicks in everything, even tiny things confirm this. It would take a really spectacular thing to revert that thinking, even the birth of the first child failed in one case I know.

    "Have you ever wagged your tail so hard you fell over"?-Brod Higgins.



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    #89
    Prominent_Dawg
    Registered Users Posts: 986 ✭✭✭Prominent_Dawg


    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA wrote: »
    I had a very bad ending with a job I had, I think that's what kicked it off.
    Do your think it was a desire for success or just the way in which the situation was handled?.. I mean it sounds like you had a taste of something good, it must be hard to accept settling for less? Would you say your mental health now is defined by the past or present?
    This might sound a bit blunt but in my case the alternative is probably suicide so really I don't worry too much about the meds!
    Would you consider yourself highly addicted on these meds?.. You mentioned of other side effects, do you ever feel you’re just feeding those problems with what seems like a solution?
    Do you think such meds should be more easily available?
    Do you ever experience guilt when things are going good, assuming its just down to the meds?.. especially if the people surrounding you aren’t aware of your med use?
    Do you find people that are aware of your mental illness to be extra cautions with what they do or say? Do you think you lost a sense of normality by others knowing?
    What does inpatient care involve?


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    #90
    I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA
    Company Representative Posts: 42 Verified rep ✭I'm recovering from mental illness, AMA


    Prominent_Dawg wrote: »
    Do your think it was a desire for success or just the way in which the situation was handled?.. I mean it sounds like you had a taste of something good, it must be hard to accept settling for less? Would you say your mental health now is defined by the past or present?

    I've been very lucky in a) having a very well paid wife, b) learning that money vs. satisfying job - take the satisfying job! I retained into another field and love it.
    Prominent_Dawg wrote: »
    Would you consider yourself highly addicted on these meds?.. You mentioned of other side effects, do you ever feel you’re just feeding those problems with what seems like a solution?

    Not quite sure what you mean here? Can I stop yes, would I go back to feeling extremely low again yes. I don't think that's addiction any more than my Eltroxin is I could stop it, in fact taking the meds is a pain in the arse if I'm honest, but the results would be bad.
    Prominent_Dawg wrote: »
    Do you think such meds should be more easily available?

    Yes and no - there should be more access to proper specialist care where meds are offered as part of a holistic solution. GPs shouldn't just be banging people on first line Anti-Depressants in my experience it didn't work.

    Prominent_Dawg wrote: »
    Do you ever experience guilt when things are going good, assuming its just down to the meds?.. especially if the people surrounding you aren’t aware of your med use?

    Anti-D's simply make you feel normal, they don't keep you high or anything. They just, if you're luck, get you on an even keel. Most people would have side effects which they tolerate to not feel like they do off them.

    Stimulants like Ritalin in ADHD suffers actually calm us down rather than give us an edge. I probably had an edge back in my twenties due to the energy I had that my compatriots didn't. People in my current role are aware, I'm moving into a new role where they won't.
    Prominent_Dawg wrote: »
    Do you find people that are aware of your mental illness to be extra cautions with what they do or say? Do you think you lost a sense of normality by others knowing?

    Nope there have been some real humdingers of foot in mouth which I have capitalised on to get a laugh. It doesn't bother me as they all knew me before I was hospitalised. The new role I will keep it to myself at least at the start.
    Prominent_Dawg wrote: »
    What does inpatient care involve?

    Lots of waiting around with things like your chargers taken off you. Loads of group work of every description from art therapy (surprisingly effective) to some rather serious talks about overall heath, meds etc.


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    #91
    Gloomtastic!
    Registered Users Posts: 8,319 ✭✭✭Gloomtastic!


    Great AMA! Thought it was going to be depressing (:rolleyes:) but the OP is a great ambassador for treatment, well done and thank you.

    How soon after missing one of your tablets would you start to regress?

    When you were having suicidal thoughts, what would of been your preferred method? You don’t have to answer that q but if you do, it might be better to stick a spoiler over it.

    Many thanks again and the very best of luck for your life ahead. :)


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