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Now ye're talking - to an au pair

2

Comments

  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA


    Reati wrote: »
    Get's worse. He got the aupair pregnant and F*cked off to another women. Think it says more about him!

    Ouch! :eek:


  • Registered Users Posts: 21,489 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    Regarding the tasks, there is a list of things somewhere that an aupair shouldn’t do. It’s not an official list, more like a guide. I don’t remember all the things on the list, but it involved cutting grass, cleaning the windows, cleaning toilets, and doing laundry. It’s generally ok to take it out of the washing machine once it’s clean, but the aupair shouldn’t be going through the dirty laundry basked sorting dark and light colours.

    I was more curious if there were limitations on when the au-pair could do personal chores. The laundry as example, or if you were out and wanted to eat when you got in, could you cook then?

    Or if you were watching a tv show, did you always have to offer the remote to a family member if they came in?


  • Registered Users Posts: 21,489 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    What was your expectation of Irish culture before you arrived?
    Was this changed or reinforced once you lived with Irish families?

    Speaking as an outsider (in this respect) do you find that Irish people behave in a consistent manner or was it different from one family to the next?

    How would you describe Irish people (in general) to your family back home?


  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA


    I was more curious if there were limitations on when the au-pair could do personal chores. The laundry as example, or if you were out and wanted to eat when you got in, could you cook then?

    Or if you were watching a tv show, did you always have to offer the remote to a family member if they came in?

    Sorry if I misunderstood you there, I’m still just a foreigner :D
    I personally would do my own laundry during the normal week day, when I saw that there’s not much laundry for the family. Nobody ever had an issue with it. Some aupairs do their laundry with the family laundry, but it just doesn’t feel right to me.

    With the TV, I would offer the remote, but just out of courtesy, it wasn’t a requirement. You live in that house and they understand that you have some time for yourself.

    As long as you can still keep an eye on the kids, there shouldn’t be a problem. For example in one house I had an attic room, so I would only rarely go to my room during the day, because it would mean leaving the kids downstairs and these kids in particular had a habit of trying to kill each other :D

    In another house I had a room downstairs right by the sitting room, so I would be cleaning my room or doing whatever I need there with my door open while the kids were playing next door.

    You're usually included in the food budget, so they will leave dinner for you somewhere, but you can cook for yourself if you want, as long as the kitchen is not being used. It’s pretty much like living with housemates – if someone else is using the appliance, you just wait until they’re finished.

    That’s the perk of being an aupair, if everything is done and the kids are happy, you have a while for yourself. I used to sit down and watch TV for an hour before I collected the kids from school. As long as everything is looked after, you’re fine.

    I’m not aware of any aupair friends who would have to follow rules like that, but again, it’s all different in every family.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,090 ✭✭✭xalot


    Thanks for doing this really interesting.

    Myself and my husband are battling about this at the moment. My main concern is the language thing. What if there was an accident and the au pair couldn't communicate properly with emergency services etc.

    Do you generally do first aid training yourself or would au pairs be willing to be trained (in your opinion)?

    Did you go through an agency, are there any you would recommend?

    What advice would you give someone for vetting an au pair?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 8 Trics


    Hi,

    I am just curious for your opinion, as I think you mentioned earlier, that an au pair is more like an older sibling around. Would you consider an au pair an appropriate form of childcare for a 1 year old & 3 year old. If the 3 year attended playschool for the morning ?

    No other house duties would be expected.


  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA


    What was your expectation of Irish culture before you arrived?
    Was this changed or reinforced once you lived with Irish families?

    Speaking as an outsider (in this respect) do you find that Irish people behave in a consistent manner or was it different from one family to the next?

    How would you describe Irish people (in general) to your family back home?

    Nobody would get an aupair in Czech republic, and it’s widely believed there that only very rich people get aupairs in other countries. In my teen years South American telenovelas were very popular at home, and it was usually taking place in a mansion where they all had maids, servants, nannies, etc.

    So my #1 expectation was that I am going to join a filthy rich family that lives in a mansion. I’m not even joking. Imagine the Kardashians. That’s what I was expecting.

    Culture wise, I wasn’t expecting much of a difference. Apart from being very naïve about what I’m getting myself into, I was also very ignorant and just assumed everything works exactly the same in Ireland as it does in Czech republic, that people like the same things, eat the same things, and so on.

    So by now you probably can guess that I was in for a shock when I arrived to a 5-bedroom house in the middle of nowhere, somewhere between Carlow and Laois.

    Another shock was when I found out that countryside means something else Ireland than what it means in Czech republic. Back home, even if you’re in the countryside, you are in a walking distance from a town in 98% of the cases. Imagine my surprise when we were driving through fields for 10 minutes, not even on a proper road. It was nearly midnight, it was dark everywhere. For a while I was pretty sure that I am going to get murdered and was planning an escape plan in my head. Whenever I visit the family, they always remind me of that time thought their father, who wouldn’t hurt a fly, is a murderer and I’m his next victim.

    What bothers me in Ireland is the public transport and healthcare. In Czech republic we have a mandatory health insurance, it’s deducted from your wages or paid by the state if you’re a student or unemployed. You go to a doctor for free. There are barely any waiting times. When I needed an MRI in Ireland, they told me that the average waiting times is 18 months, when I landed in A&E, the nurse told me that I’m lucky, that tonight the waiting time is only 6 hours. For comparison, last Christmas my grandmother tripped and fell on stairs. She broke her arm. We called an ambulance. An hour later she was already back home, after having an X-ray done, arm in a cast, pain managed. In Ireland I called an ambulance when an elderly person broke her leg, the ambulance took over an hour to arrive and the poor woman was left on a trolley in the hall in A&E, all night. It was outrageous to see what’s happening in here, and you guys have to pay extra for it.

    The public transport is also very different, in Czech republic you can get nearly anywhere by train, and if there’s no train going there, you can take the bus. Every little village, anywhere in the country. In Ireland I wanted to go from Kilkenny to Cork and I need to travel to Dublin first, change buses and go to Cork. I’m used to it now, but god, am I angry sometimes about how complicated it is. And don’t even get me started on city buses :D
    Whenever someone asks me about the locals, I’ll tell them the truth – that the Irish people are more friendly than Czech people, other than that I’d say that we are pretty similar. We have the same sense of humour and same values, more or less. You guys eat more takeaways and I got used to that very quickly. Now when I go home for a week and I have a midnight craving for a kebab, I have no way of getting it. It’s torture. Torture, I say!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,080 ✭✭✭flatty


    xalot wrote: »
    Thanks for doing this really interesting.

    Myself and my husband are battling about this at the moment. My main concern is the language thing. What if there was an accident and the au pair couldn't communicate properly with emergency services etc.

    Do you generally do first aid training yourself or would au pairs be willing to be trained (in your opinion)?

    Did you go through an agency, are there any you would recommend?

    What advice would you give someone for vetting an au pair?
    We had a few. We paid above the going rate by a third, and really they had to do very little. Two were very odd. One pretty much locked herself in her room and we set her home out of kindness after three months. Another had an eating disorder, was clearly depressed, and my wife couldn't wait to be rid of her. She also left her diary out and open on the table which I wouldn't have looked at, but my wife did, and it was odd and almost a class warfare rant from how she described it. She was livid and couldn't stand being in the same room as the au pair after. We had one Finnish lass who was good craic. Her parents came to stay. Turns out her oul fella was some kind of Finnish oligarch and he nearly drank me to death in four days. We had one lovely Spanish lass, but she was a total hypochondriac. She was a really pretty little thing, with waggish delusions, but I used to love watching her get my then six year old daughter all dressed up, with glitter and handbags, and they'd go into town shopping together.
    We were, in truth, glad not to have to have them any more once circumstances allowed, even though they had their own floor of the house so weren't too much in our space. We would try to avoid again.
    What I found was that the ones who seem quiet and shy on Skype are just that, and best avoided really for all concerned.
    I don't think we were ever really honest and open enough up front about what we needed and it irritated a bit when no. Initiative was showed at all. They are all not far off children themselves really. A good one was great though.


  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA


    xalot wrote: »
    Thanks for doing this really interesting.

    Myself and my husband are battling about this at the moment. My main concern is the language thing. What if there was an accident and the au pair couldn't communicate properly with emergency services etc.

    Do you generally do first aid training yourself or would au pairs be willing to be trained (in your opinion)?

    Did you go through an agency, are there any you would recommend?

    What advice would you give someone for vetting an au pair?

    Thanks, I’m glad you find it interesting! 😊

    I understand that you would be concerned about the language barrier, and also making the choice and deciding for one person who you’ve only seen on Skype can be a lot of pressure and can cause anxiety. This person is there to look after your children after all, so you want to be sure that you made the right choice.

    Maybe in your case you can try to find an aupair who is already in Ireland and is looking for a second family? That way you can meet with her and see how she interacts with children, you can see if you ‘click’ together, and can see what level her English is at. Another advantage here would be that you’d get to speak to their current hostfamily and you can get a picture of what the aupair is like.

    There are many aupairs around who only want to stay with a family for a year, and after the year is up, they want to go somewhere else. Or maybe her hostfamily doesn’t need an aupair anymore, so she’s looking for someone new. I’d recommend finding a group for your town/county on Facebook, usually it’s something like ‘Dublin Au Pair’, ‘Au Pair Cork’, ‘Au pairs in Waterford’, etc., you get the idea. You can post there and see who would be interested. Remember that there’s no commitment until you actually offer the job to someone, so until that point you can always back out of the search.

    I’m sure you can also find some groups specifically for hostparents, where you can ask about your concerns. I’m confident that every parent deciding for an aupair was worried about the very same things, so you can get an insight from someone who already went through that.

    I didn’t go through an agency, there is a website called Aupairworld where I found my first two hostfamilies, I think that the families have to pay a small fee to get the contact details for the aupair they like. In my opinion though, since Facebook blew up, sites like that are not needed anymore, the only useful thing on them is the advanced search where you select your requirements and it will give you a list of suitable people.

    Since I have no experience with agencies myself, I can’t recommend anyone, sorry. I only knew one aupair who came to Ireland through an agency, and the family always had an aupair for a few months and then the agency sent out a new one, they basically just sent a file, the family said yes, and the aupair arrived. I wouldn’t like that myself, I like talking to the family myself first, and having the choice of who I contact.

    I’m sure the aupairs would be willing to be first aid trained, however most likely they would expect you to pay for the training. I’d say that not many of them are first aid trained, I do have a first-aid certificate myself and I remember that it was always a huge advantage for me, mostly because there weren’t that many aupairs who’d know first aid.

    I had one hostmom who would properly interviewing me before she offered me the job, I remember questions like “you’re at home with my children, my daughter just banged her head and is crying, phone started ringing, somebody is knocking on the door, and my son is calling you from upstairs, what do you do, what do you prioritize?” Don’t be afraid to ask questions like that if it helps you with the decision.

    My most important recommendation would be to follow your instinct. If someone doesn’t feel like the right match for you, don’t offer them the job, no matter what amazing references or experience they have. I helped one of my hostmoms to find a new aupair when I was leaving, we found a girl from Spain who works as a dance teacher, studied child psychology, and had amazing recommendations. When we had a skype call with her, she answered the phone while walking to the beach. It gave us a really bad impression that she didn’t even bother to sit down for her interview, especially since it was the first time she got to talk to the kids. She got the job in the end, purely because of her experience with children. She lasted about a week and half before the mom kicked her out. This aupair would cook lunch for herself and not for the children (aged 3, 8 and 10, so it’s not like they are old enough to make something for themselves), was very loud and didn’t even try to be quiet when everyone in the house was sleeping, was complaining about everything all the time… go with your gut instinct, trust it because it’s usually right. 😊


  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA


    Trics wrote: »
    Hi,

    I am just curious for your opinion, as I think you mentioned earlier, that an au pair is more like an older sibling around. Would you consider an au pair an appropriate form of childcare for a 1 year old & 3 year old. If the 3 year attended playschool for the morning ?

    No other house duties would be expected.

    Hi there,

    I strongly believe that an aupair is capable of looking after a 1 year old and a 3 year old. You just need to find the right person. There are many girls who are responsible and fantastic with children, and just like I said in the post above, if this is your first time looking for an aupair, it might be a good idea to get someone who’s already in Ireland. Meeting them in person helps massively, especially when you bring your kids along with you, and you’ll see how the aupair interacts with them.

    That was actually a popular trick with one of my hostfamilies when looking for an aupair – if you get a chance to meet up with them for an interview in person, arrange meeting them in a coffee place and bring your kids. When I had my interview with her, she brought her 1 year old and her current aupair. She then told me that I was trying to look into her eyes when talking to her, but I kept glancing away at the baby, gave him a piece of my cake, helped him when he dropped something and kept making faces at him. I wasn’t even aware of looking at the little one all the time, and the rest felt natural. She offered me the job on the spot. She did this with her other aupairs and it never failed her 😊

    I think that an aupair could be suitable for you, and I believe you’d get a lot of applicants, since there are only two kids, one of them is in playschool in the mornings and there’s not much housework. Consider how many hours the aupair would work every week, an aupair should work about 25 hrs a week, max 30 (don’t take my word for that, though, google it to be sure :) ) It of course depends on what you and your aupair agree on, however bear in mind that if you need someone for more hours, they will probably be expecting maybe €10-20 extra to their weekly pay.


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  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA



    Were you Garda vetted before starting as an au pair?

    I just remembered that I forgot to answer this question in your post, sorry! :)

    I wasn't Garda Vetted and I don't think that many aupairs are. They'd be in most cases coming from another country, so I suppose you can ask them to get vetted there and to send you the document before offering them a job if you want to be extra sure, but I never heard of anyone asking for that. :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Heres Johnny


    Are there any male au pairs at all?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 779 ✭✭✭Arrival


    While I always had a good relationship with the kids and parents, it was never too difficult for me to move on. I’m in touch with most of the families and visit them regularly. The last family I was with lives just around the corner from where I work now, so I often go there for a chat. The other families live in different towns, so it makes it more difficult to visit them, but I’m trying to see everyone at least once a year.

    The girl from my first ever family added me on Facebook and Instagram recently - she was four when I was looking after her!

    That said, there is one family where I really had trouble letting go. I came to their house when they had a little 1 year old girl. There wasn’t that much work in the house, so I really got to spend quality time with the family and with the little one. One month in the mom found out that she’s pregnant again, so I was with them through the whole pregnancy, through the move to a bigger house, I looked after their daughter when they rushed to the hospital to have the baby. Then they came back with a tiny little baby boy and I got to hold him and play with him for the first six months of his life. I really felt like part of the family here, like their equal, we always had something to talk about, they were personally responsible for my Doctor Who obsession. Then I went home for a week and when I came back, they told me that the dad got offered a fantastic job in Australia and that they are going to go there. I was heartbroken.

    We’re still in touch and I got to see them when they were on holidays in Germany, I booked a flight to Frankfurt and spent a day with them. They’ve had another baby since then and the other two kids are already in school. I feel old.

    Regarding jealousy, I never had a problem with that, but I know an aupair who was told that it’s time to leave, mostly because she was so ridiculously attached to the children. She became very possessive of them and the mom found it creepy as hell, especially when the kids started showing similar behaviors towards the aupair.


    I've no question, just wanted to say that I think you seem like such a lovely, wholesome person!


  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA


    Are there any male au pairs at all?

    There are some, but it's very rare. Unfortunately there is this double standard in the world that if a woman expresses the desire to become an aupair/childminder, it's natural and beautiful and everyone supports her. When a man says that he would like to become an aupair, he's considered a weirdo.

    Years ago I was in a group for Czech aupairs on Facebook and I remember that there was a boy aupair in the group. He was in London I think. The family wanted a boy specifically because their son was bullied in school and he was the only child, so the boy came in to fulfill the role of his big brother, I remember the guy was saying how much he loves the kid, that they have a great relationship, that the kid teaches him everything about all the English football clubs, they go to the cinema together, play football in the garden.. I thought it's really great and I'm positive that it made a massive difference in the little boy's life.

    Apart from this guy, I've heard maybe of three other men doing it. There's quite a few guys looking for families, but the odds of them getting the job are really slim, as there's not such high demand unfortunately.


  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA


    Arrival wrote: »
    I've no question, just wanted to say that I think you seem like such a lovely, wholesome person!

    Thank you, always nice to hear (read) :)


  • Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 21,502 Mod ✭✭✭✭Agent Smith


    Do you have a bedside locker?

    Whats in your bedside locker?



    Whats the oddest thing you've ever heard or seen in a Host families house?


  • Registered Users Posts: 21,489 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    Did you ever work out what exactly your au pairing was worth to you in an hourly rate.

    Accommodation = x amount for similar location
    Allowance = y amount per week
    Food = z amount per week if you were to buy it

    (x + y + z) divided by number of hours worked = hourly rate

    Also, did you have a contract for any of these positions or were you ever afraid it might end in a hurry and you would be left having to look for a home?


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,024 ✭✭✭HalloweenJack


    Fascinating topic for an AMA as my ex (German) was an au pair. We also had a few au pairs when I was a kid so it's something I've been used to throughout my life.

    In the case of the au pairs we had in our home, I was too young to ever consider their feelings or see them as real people. As for my ex, she constantly moaned about the job and I think she found it quite isolating. She wasn't doing it because of an interest in kids, it was more of a way of doing something and getting out of her situation in Germany so I don't think she was in the best frame of mind to be doing it.

    What do you think are the most important qualities for an au pair? Do you think it's a good way to experience a new country/culture?

    I also lived in the Czech Republic for a year, in Brno, and I feel that it was the biggest culture shock I've had in my life. As you mention, the people aren't as friendly, at least on the surface, but I also found that people were very humble, almost downtrodden. I thought, in general, Czechs didn't think there was anything special about the Czech Republic, which is a shame because it's a lovely country.

    What was the biggest difference for you about Irish people? Was it difficult to adapt?


  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA


    Do you have a bedside locker?

    Whats in your bedside locker?



    Whats the oddest thing you've ever heard or seen in a Host families house?

    I do have a bedside locker, and you're in luck, I only checked what's in it this morning!

    I found tissues, new bags for sweets for Halloween, stick-on witch nails, purple hairspray, shoelaces, 3 dead pairs of earphones, my old phones, a Samsung charger, more shoelaces, tissues, tampons, and some papers full of doodles.

    I attached a picture of the top of my bedside locker from 2010, when I was still an aupair. Back then I just knew that the picture will come in handy one day, the time is now! :D

    I'll probably disappoint you (I'm quite disappointed myself to be honest), but I really can't remember hearing or seeing anything odd, or anything that I would find suspicious. I'll think about it on the bus today and if I'll post again if I remember. There must be something like.

    EDIT: I'm going to be honest, I also found two dead moths and an old hazelnut, which I tried to eat.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 145 ✭✭Whirl_wolle


    I have a friend who was a childminder, similar to a nanny role but it wasn't live in.

    The days were long and full. Very full. The parents came to expect more and more from her. The cooking of meals, the laundry, the cleaning of the home on top of looking after the children. Staying on late after arriving home from work to go out. Weekends too. My friend showed me a picture she took of the family's kitchen one morning. The counter tops had many dishes and plates and cups and cutlery etc built high. That was a regular occurrence. Seeing that, I thought, can the parents do anything for themselves?

    Upon contacting my friend many times, she was always in work. I was astonished to learn of the pay she was receiving. It was very low for the work, the load and the hours she was doing.


    Did you ever come across parents who took advantage off you ? Did you ever come across as pairs who were worked long and hard for little pay?

    Do you think working in a home or a private capacity like this, is it open for abuse with long hours, a load that is too much and a pay that is very low.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,100 ✭✭✭manonboard


    This has been a really interesting, and entertaining read.
    Thanks for sharing OP and making it so friendly.


  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA


    Did you ever work out what exactly your au pairing was worth to you in an hourly rate.

    Accommodation = x amount for similar location
    Allowance = y amount per week
    Food = z amount per week if you were to buy it

    (x + y + z) divided by number of hours worked = hourly rate

    Also, did you have a contract for any of these positions or were you ever afraid it might end in a hurry and you would be left having to look for a home?

    Hi,

    Honestly I didn't dare to try!

    We can do it now though, let's see.

    Accommodation (I'm including all household bills in this and I'm going by the average rent in a shared house in the area where I was last): €150/week

    Allowance: €120/week

    Food (and other things such as toilet paper): €50/week

    Hours: 40 (I worked longer hours, which is why my pay was over the average)

    (150 + 120 + 50)/40 = 320/40 = 8

    So in the last house I was getting about €8 per hour. This was 2014/2015. Not that far from the minimum wage at that time. I believe that back then the minimum wage was €8.63? I could be wrong.

    I only had a contract once, and it was just because I was their first aupair and they weren't really sure what to do and how. It was really cute. I still have it somewhere. They downloaded it from some aupair website, and it basically just stated hours, pay, religious freedom, work, number of children, length of the contract, etc.

    What I really liked about this family was that even though we were good friends, they would still uphold everything that's in the contract. For example, we lived in the city, fairly close to the centre. When the mom got pregnant, we were moving to another house in a town about 20 mins drive from the city. They actually sat down with me and told me that I'm free to leave since the address is changing, therefore the contract has to be changed as well. I stayed with them, but we didn't bother putting together another contract.

    I think that every single aupair has that fear constantly in the back of their head, being worried that they might end up on the street any time. I never came close to that thankfully, but I know an aupair who was fired on the spot when the family dog peed in the kitchen. Somehow the mom decided that it was the aupair's fault and told her to pack her bags. The girl then had to walk for miles to the nearest train station.


  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA


    Fascinating topic for an AMA as my ex (German) was an au pair. We also had a few au pairs when I was a kid so it's something I've been used to throughout my life.

    It's so weird talking to an adult here who says that they had an aupair! I just never expect them to grow up :D
    In the case of the au pairs we had in our home, I was too young to ever consider their feelings or see them as real people. As for my ex, she constantly moaned about the job and I think she found it quite isolating. She wasn't doing it because of an interest in kids, it was more of a way of doing something and getting out of her situation in Germany so I don't think she was in the best frame of mind to be doing it.

    It can be quite isolating to be fair. I remember feeling trapped in a few houses. I was an aupair in a house in the middle of nowhere, with no bus service, nothing was within the walking distance, and I don't drive. I'm not a very social person, I prefer spending time in my own company, so I wouldn't be that affected by it, but it was too much sometimes, even for me. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like for a person who likes going out.

    And don't get me wrong. I also constantly moaned about the job. I think it's natural. You can't really moan about it at home, since you live where you work, so as soon as you're in a safe distance, you need to get it all out :p
    What do you think are the most important qualities for an au pair? Do you think it's a good way to experience a new country/culture?

    It's a great way to experience another country, especially here in Ireland. There are so many aupairs here, so it's easy to find friends and go on trips around the island. The hard part is that you make friends with someone, and then they leave, and you know that it's likely that you'll never see them again.
    Also, you get to live in an Irish household, so you get an insider access to things you wouldn't see unless you lived with the Irish people.
    I also lived in the Czech Republic for a year, in Brno, and I feel that it was the biggest culture shock I've had in my life. As you mention, the people aren't as friendly, at least on the surface, but I also found that people were very humble, almost downtrodden. I thought, in general, Czechs didn't think there was anything special about the Czech Republic, which is a shame because it's a lovely country.

    Woohoo, that's great! I was in Brno once or twice for a conference. I am from North-East, about an hour away from the Poland border, so Brno would be a bit too far for me to travel to. People in Brno tend to be more friendly than the rest of the country, so you're lucky you didn't try to live in Prague :D

    And you're absolutely correct, we don't think there's anything special about Czech republic. I see it differently now and there are many places there that I recommend to my friends and colleagues when they ask me about Czech republic (we have a church fully decorated with human bones!!!), but back then it was all 'meh'.
    What was the biggest difference for you about Irish people? Was it difficult to adapt?

    I think that the biggest difference was the perception of time and distance.

    First of all, when somebody says "I will meet you at half ten", in Czech republic it would be 09:30, while here in Ireland it means 10:30. I still ask people to talk to me in the digital format and to say the actual words "ten thirty" instead of "half ten", because otherwise I get very anxious about it :rolleyes:

    Another thing about time - "I'll be there in 2 seconds/2 minutes". No, no you won't. I learned that as soon as somebody uses number 2 in time estimation, it's usually much longer than that. I had a host mom who would be home "in 2 minutes", and that would usually mean that I have to work overtime and she won't be home for another hour.

    And this whole thing about being very early/very late. Lots of Irish people seem to be very easygoing about time. That includes Bus Eireann.

    Regarding distance - people would tell me that "we live 10 minutes away from the town". At home this would mean 10 minute walk. Nope. Here it means drive. And it's never 10 minutes either. Or when somebody says "We live in Wexford" and then lives far away from any sign of civilization, at the very end of county Wexford.

    I got used to all of the above, but it still drives me nuts, even after 8 years in the country.


  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA


    I have a friend who was a childminder, similar to a nanny role but it wasn't live in.

    The days were long and full. Very full. The parents came to expect more and more from her. The cooking of meals, the laundry, the cleaning of the home on top of looking after the children. Staying on late after arriving home from work to go out. Weekends too. My friend showed me a picture she took of the family's kitchen one morning. The counter tops had many dishes and plates and cups and cutlery etc built high. That was a regular occurrence. Seeing that, I thought, can the parents do anything for themselves?

    This sounds normal. The parents will get used to having someone doing everything for them really quickly. That's why I always say to girls who ask me for an advice with a new family that they shouldn't overdo it. Do what's needed, do what you're asked to do, but don't try to impress the family, because they will hold you to doing the tasks for the rest of your stay.

    I was in a family like that. I would clean the kitchen every evening, and by the time I got up next morning, there were dirty dishes everywhere. One family had a habit of having a fried breakfast every morning. Then they would put all the plates and cups right into the big pan full of oil. Everything was greasy. It was gross.

    I never understood why they would leave it on top of the dishwasher (which I emptied the evening before). I used to clean it every morning, but then I stopped doing it, because it was getting ridiculous. Eventually the parents started putting their dishes into the dishwasher in the morning, so you can say I successfully trained them! :)
    Upon contacting my friend many times, she was always in work. I was astonished to learn of the pay she was receiving. It was very low for the work, the load and the hours she was doing.
    This can also be quite normal in some cases. At the beginning before I learned how to stand my ground, I would try to be around until the kids went to bed. I wouldn't necessarily work, but I liked to make sure that I'm not needed, and I didn't want to make it look like I hate them and I'm running out as soon as the parents come back home.

    It was a mistake. In two families the parents started taking it for granted and would come home late on a regular basis. I'm around the house anyway, so what's the problem, right? I always wanted to ask them how they would feel if their boss sent them more work to do in their free time, telling them that they're not going out anyway.
    Did you ever come across parents who took advantage off you ? Did you ever come across as pairs who were worked long and hard for little pay?

    Do you think working in a home or a private capacity like this, is it open for abuse with long hours, a load that is too much and a pay that is very low.

    For parents who took advantage, see the beginning of my post. That was about it. I knew aupairs who had to do absolutely everything in the house, including scrubbing the floors, washing the windows, walking the dog, walking the kids to their activities after school (about 2 miles walk on a busy road, there was no sidewalk there), bringing them to school, collecting them from school, etc. She was getting the same money as I was getting while looking after one kid, doing next to no housework and the most work I did was taking the baby out for a walk.

    It is definitely open for abuse. It should be regulated somehow. I'm not saying that it should be classified as a regular job, but there should be some regulation in place. Au pair work is heavily regulated in the US, there's lots of paperwork, it has to go through an agency, the aupairs spend the first few days in New York for training and then they go to their new families, get welcome packs from them, and the agency keeps a close eye on the aupair and the family throughout the year, with random visits. Something like that would be very handy to have in Ireland.

    The worst part about the abuse is that the families often don't realise that they are doing something wrong and the aupair is afraid to speak up (either doesn't want to ruin the relationship with the family or doesn't want to be kicked out on the street).


  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA


    manonboard wrote: »
    This has been a really interesting, and entertaining read.
    Thanks for sharing OP and making it so friendly.

    Thank you for saying that, I really appreciate it! :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,125 ✭✭✭mistersifter


    ....It is definitely open for abuse. It should be regulated somehow. I'm not saying that it should be classified as a regular job, but there should be some regulation in place. Au pair work is heavily regulated in the US, there's lots of paperwork, it has to go through an agency, the aupairs spend the first few days in New York for training and then they go to their new families, get welcome packs from them, and the agency keeps a close eye on the aupair and the family throughout the year, with random visits. Something like that would be very handy to have in Ireland.

    The worst part about the abuse is that the families often don't realise that they are doing something wrong and the aupair is afraid to speak up (either doesn't want to ruin the relationship with the family or doesn't want to be kicked out on the street).

    Is there no organization that au pairs can go to make a complaint or go to be informed about their rights? There really should be since, as you say, it's easy for them to be taken advantage of.


  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA


    Is there no organization that au pairs can go to make a complaint or go to be informed about their rights? There really should be since, as you say, it's easy for them to be taken advantage of.

    I honestly don't think there is one. The aupairs who took their host families to court went through Migrant Rights Centre and Workplace Relations.


  • Registered Users Posts: 21,489 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    What do your friends back home think of Irish people having Au pairs when they might not necessarily be that wealthy.

    Do they think it is a sign of laziness to need one, or luxury to be able to have one?

    Could you see yourself using an Au pair in future?


  • Company Representative Posts: 30 Verified rep I'm an au pair, AMA


    What do your friends back home think of Irish people having Au pairs when they might not necessarily be that wealthy.

    Hi,

    Sorry about the late response - things were mad these last few days!

    I think it has become more normal and it's not such a strange concept to Czech people. Czech families still wouldn't get an aupair in my opinion, but at this point almost everyone knows someone who went abroad as an aupair and has an idea what it's about and what the families are like. (Apart from my father who is still convinced that I will be drugged and forced into prostitution in Amsterdam :D).
    Do they think it is a sign of laziness to need one, or luxury to be able to have one?

    Czech mothers would see it as a sign of laziness, 100%. There would also be a hint of jealousy in their opinion :)

    It really depends on the family when you want to figure out if the family genuinely needs an aupair or if they are just being lazy. I've seen families where the mother didn't even have a job, she just liked things done for her. <- people like that shouldn't get an aupair, they should get a maid.

    I've also seen families where both parents were working from dawn to dusk, with no family that would look after the kids, couldn't afford childcare out of their home, and getting an aupair was the only way -time and financially wise- to make sure that everything is looked after. I was in a few families like that and I can tell you that while you have to work much harder and longer hours, it's also really rewarding as you see how important you are in the house.

    I will also tell you that there is a very thin line between being lazy and a genuine need, and there have been families who got an aupair because they needed one and kept getting aupairs after they didn't really need one anymore, just because she would look after the homework and clean the kitchen :rolleyes:

    Could you see yourself using an Au pair in future?

    I'm currently in the family planning stage of my life, so I'm often thinking about this. I wouldn't really want to get an aupair, because I don't like asking for help, I want to be able to do everything by myself, which is often easier said than done.

    I'm also terrified that I would start using the aupair without realising it, and I wouldn't want to do that to anyone.

    Then there's the fact that I don't like people. I have my 'circle of trust' and don't know how I would deal with inviting another person into it. An aupair is not a stranger after a while, but I still wouldn't be comfortable with that (which is ironic).

    But seeing the childcare costs and the length of maternity leave, I probably won't have a choice! We'll see. It probably wouldn't be that bad, but I'm kinda counting on my partner's parents! :D


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  • Registered Users Posts: 21,489 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    ^^^^

    Great answers. Thank you.


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