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Dating someone with different beliefs

  • 14-12-2018 9:40pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 1,430 ✭✭✭RWCNT


    Could you date someone with vastly different beliefs to yourself?

    Take "beliefs" any way you like for the sake of conversation - political, religious, general world-view etc.

    Myself and Mrs RWCNT both did a political compass test the other week and our results were very similar, although we have very different beliefs on a lot of subjects. I've dated people who had nearly the same beliefs to me before as well as people who were my opposite. I think myself and the current lady have the right balance where we're close enough to be on the same page but different enough that we can still have a good spirited debate (argument) from time to time.

    Could any of the hardcore conservatives see themselves with a liberal luvvie? Any atheists married to a dyed in the wool catholic? Any carnivores shacked up with a die-hard vegan (like me)? What say ye, boards?


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 8,034 ✭✭✭mad muffin


    As long as they’re into anal… I’m cool.




  • A shared sense of humour amply compensates for differences.


  • Registered Users Posts: 38,247 ✭✭✭✭Guy:Incognito


    mad muffin wrote: »
    As long as they’re into anal… I’m cool.

    Wouldn't be much point in you going out with a guy that wasnt :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,474 ✭✭✭Obvious Desperate Breakfasts


    I could have religious friends but a religious partner would not be for me. My husband isn’t religious.

    Political views? We’d need to be fairly close on the spectrum but we wouldn’t need to completely match up.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,737 ✭✭✭Yer Da sells Avon


    I'd struggle to date anyone who isn't a decent person and doesn't have a good sense of humour. So that rules right-wingers out anyway.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 436 ✭✭Robert McGrath


    I'd struggle to date anyone who isn't a decent person and doesn't have a good sense of humour. So that rules right-wingers out anyway.

    You don’t think someone with a conservative view on fiscal policy can be decent and have a good sense of humour?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,737 ✭✭✭Yer Da sells Avon


    You don’t think someone with a conservative view on fiscal policy can be decent and have a good sense of humour?

    I've yet to meet one who I don't find awful and dull. Although tbh, I'd tolerate terrible opinions (and lots of other things too) if the person made me laugh. What I really want is to be entertained, and also to get my end away.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,482 ✭✭✭Gimme A Pound


    Being very far left is a big turn-off.

    As would being very far right, however I don't think I've ever met the latter in person, whereas I've met loads of the former.

    Extremist anything really is a turn-off - I know that seems obvious but I'm even talking about e.g. hardline atheists. An unwillingness to understand all points of view is something I just can't get past (yeah I'm aware of the irony :D).


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,024 ✭✭✭HalloweenJack


    I couldn't be with someone who was religious. I'm so strongly anti-religion that it would be impossible.

    With regards to politics, it would depend how strongly they believed in their more controversial points. Thankfully, my partner is more or less the same as me.


  • Registered Users Posts: 34,284 ✭✭✭✭o1s1n
    Master of the Universe


    I couldn't be with someone who was religious. I'm so strongly anti-religion that it would be impossible.

    Same. There's in irrationality to it that I just can't understand. Wouldn't work in a relationship.

    Luckily my wife is a bigger atheist than I am :pac:


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  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,246 ✭✭✭judeboy101


    I can cope with anything except veganism


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,481 ✭✭✭Fighting Tao


    OP, did she just tell you that Santa is not real?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭Folkstonian


    I don’t think I could go out with someone who didn’t drink, that would be quite tough.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,034 ✭✭✭mad muffin


    Wouldn't be much point in you going out with a guy that wasnt :)



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,158 ✭✭✭facehugger99


    I couldn't be with someone whose morality I didn't respect.


  • Registered Users Posts: 43,017 ✭✭✭✭SEPT 23 1989


    If you agreed on everything it would be very boring


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 608 ✭✭✭Dalomanakora


    I dated a guy for a year or who who had opposing religious and political views (he was Catholic to my atheist and FAR too left wing for even a somewhat leftie like me).


    Worked out fine though, we respected one another's beliefs and agreed not to argue about religion or politics. Still friends about a decade on.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,597 ✭✭✭Witchie


    My boyfriend and I are so completely opposite it's funny. We have had to introduce "squabble free Saturday" and "No squabbling Sunday" so we can enjoy weekends.

    One of the first things he told me was he is a trump fan. I thought he was joking. He is a Malay former Muslim atheist so at least we are both atheist but I am tolerant of religions whereas he isn't.

    He is also a racist. Not a full blown, Lynch mob type but someone who believes he should have more rights than his Chinese and Indian countrymen. He is a true Bumiputra.


    I am veggie he eats chicken like there is no tomorrow.

    The good thing is that coz he is only a young thing, am slightly influencing him and his stance is softening somewhat.

    Soon he will be a full blown, veggie leftie liberal like me. Or we will go our separate ways. :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,443 ✭✭✭jobeenfitz


    Leprechauns r fairies, all de same. If ya like banging shur ur grand.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,912 ✭✭✭ArchXStanton


    Being very far left is a big turn-off.

    As would being very far right, however I don't think I've ever met the latter in person, whereas I've met loads of the former.

    Extremist anything really is a turn-off - I know that seems obvious but I'm even talking about e.g. hardline atheists. An unwillingness to understand all points of view is something I just can't get past (yeah I'm aware of the irony :D).

    I dated an extreme lefty before, ended up in more arguments with that one. She's with another extreme lefty now... Equally as deluded as each other


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  • Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 47,247 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    As long as they were typical Irish cultural Catholic or something similar, and not full-on God-squad religious, I wouldn't have a problem with a partner being religious. Where I would draw the line is if they were politically or socially conservative because that would lead to too many arguments. I'd probably be able to cope with a vegetarian, as long as they weren't militant about it, but vegans need not apply. I'm not giving up my meat or dairy for anybody, no matter how perfect they may be.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 342 ✭✭VeryTerry


    There was a thread a while ago about people that are long term singletons and have given up looking. I noticed the vast majority of the male posters in it were the ones that show up first in the right wing hot topics. I suppose if you hate everyone you're unlikely to find anyone to love.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2 CarelessSteve


    It all depends on how strong those beliefs are held? I can't see any relationship lasting when opposing beliefs are strongly held.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    As long as you love and care for them, who really gives a ****?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,482 ✭✭✭Gimme A Pound


    As long as you love and care for them, who really gives a ****?
    Grand if there are differing views between the two people every so often - that's normal and healthy, and shouldn't be a deal-breaker.

    But absolutely polar opposites with strong beliefs who clash on everything ideologically? It may be manageable for some couples, but I wouldn't blame other couples if it took its toll eventually. When you're spending such a lot of time together, it can grate after the initial honeymoon period.

    Guys who hate gay people and have misogynistic views, or guys who hold hardline communist beliefs - I couldn't go there.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    Grand if there are differing views between the two people every so often - that's normal and healthy, and shouldn't be a deal-breaker.

    But absolutely polar opposites with strong beliefs who clash on everything ideologically? It may be manageable for some couples, but I wouldn't blame other couples if it took its toll eventually. When you're spending such a lot of time together, it can grate after the initial honeymoon period.

    Guys who hate gay people and have misogynistic views, or guys who hold hardline communist beliefs - I couldn't go there.

    I hear what you're saying and I've been there but in most cases people with very different view points don't tend to get together in the first case.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 28 Neon Demon


    My cousin's girlfriend of nearly 15 years started getting very religious a number of years ago and they stopped having sex before marriage. Her entire family embraced religion actually. They started becoming vocal about the wrongs of homosexuality and same-sex marriage, etc. He was able to work through it and they eventually married. I don't know if I'd have been able to do the same. It's not simply a case of your girlfriend having different beliefs, it's that she's adopted views on sexuality and human nature that are diametrically opposed to your own.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,007 ✭✭✭ Silas Howling Tiller


    Yes. One lady said they never thought they could be with someone who doesn't believe in god. They stopped believing in god after we were together a while. I attribute this to me, though they don't.

    Wrt meat eating and vegetarianism, one lady adopted a vegetarian diet on my suggestion (while I continued eating meat). Come to think of it, my previous partner began eating red meat on my suggestion.

    I ditched one girl on the spot when she spewed a load of racist ****. That's the only instance I can think of where different beliefs were an explicit dealbreaker.

    Generally I went out with women whose world view was similar to mine, usually without specifically trying to.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,325 ✭✭✭ Aliza Moldy Eyeglasses


    There's quite a bit of difference, but if you can respect different opinions and care for each other then it shouldn't matter. In fact it can lead to endless interesting conversations and debates. I think being with someone exactly the same and agreeing on everything would be boring.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 13,084 ✭✭✭✭Kirby


    There's quite a bit of difference, but if you can respect different opinions and care for each other then it shouldn't matter. In fact it can lead to endless interesting conversations and debates. I think being with someone exactly the same and agreeing on everything would be boring.

    But it does matter. There is a big difference between agreeing on everything and having cast iron difference in beliefs.

    Minor disagreements and difference of opinions can be interesting. Major ones are toxic.

    Diametrically opposed views on things like abortion, children, marriage, religion, racism, and so on rarely change and the issues surrounding them won't go away. It's not like one of you liking football and the other not. These are the cornerstones of who we are.

    For example, one party wanting children and the other not, isn't going to lead to "endless interesting conversations."


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