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Have you ever had an unwanted sexual experience? Mod warning in op - updated 6/3/18

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    #212
    Omackeral
    Registered Users Posts: 32,956 ✭✭✭✭Omackeral


    andekwarhola wrote: »
    To be fair, that's a different scenario completely. I was talking about hypothetically confronting somebody that gropes you, not somebody that launches an attack on you.

    I know, but it's in my very first line that I know it's a different scenario. Same kinda double standards at play though.


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    #213
    Omackeral
    Registered Users Posts: 32,956 ✭✭✭✭Omackeral


    LadyMacBeth_ wrote: »
    I don't know, double standards on my part and social conditioning I guess but I wouldn't be too impressed with a guy who gave a girl a full on punch, even if she hit him first. Of course defend yourself and restrain the other person if possible and don't just take it but in general men are a lot stronger than women and the retaliation punch is more likely to do damage. Of course women or men shouldn't be hitting each other regardless. If I saw a man punch a man and the other retaliated with a punch then I would think it was deserved. I know that's hypocritical but a man punching a woman just doesn't sit well with me.

    Doesn't sit completely well with me either in that I'd be very reluctant to dish one out myself but at the same time if I saw someone else giving a good box back to an aggressor, I'd be of the opinion "oh well, that's what you get..."


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    #214
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,104 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Pat Mustard wrote: »
    There is no question of this being made up. I saw the chap with his phone in his hand. He refused to delete the video that he had just taken and he refused to hand up his phone. He upset Whoops and others and he was promptly ejected by security. It was an absolute disgrace.
    Considering the source I suspected as much. Fcuking hell. I dunno if it's just me, but the fact he refused to delete the video makes it creepier. If it was some dumb drunken leering that he copped on was such and apologised and deleted it that would be one thing, but...
    leggo wrote: »
    And that would’ve been a prudent thing for a representative of boards to have posted in the first 17 pages of this thread. You can even do it in a professional manner that doesn’t lay into or question the accuser, something like, “We conducted an investigation into accusations of improper conduct at an official boards.ie event regarding a high ranking boards.ie official and found insufficient evidence to proceed with any disciplinary action. This is a matter we take seriously and will act upon with full force should any such evidence come to light.”
    To be fair L, this only came up last night, a Sunday night with it. "HQ" would have been off for the weekend. Considering this happened four years ago(?) and staff and even quite a few admin changes have gone on in the interim, those who were originally in the loop may well not be around anymore.

    Lux23 wrote: »
    I have been subject to an unwelcome sexual experience, but I don't think I would go into it here because all I would get in return is comments about how it was actually all my fault.
    Please show me just one example in this thread where anyone has suggested such experiences are the victims fault. Just one will do. Otherwise your argument is based on nothing.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #215
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Kyson Witty Vestibule wrote: »
    I disagree. As a woman if I punch a man, (I wouldn’t because I’m not a knacker) I would do so expecting to be punched back. I don’t punch people because I don’t want to be punched

    I had assumed you were a bloke. My point stands - I see nothing noble about boxing the head off someone who you know full well is no match for you physically.
    Omackeral wrote: »
    You're a bully even if she hit you first?

    What if you're on a bus, say the Nitelink, and someone decides to box the head off you and you can't get out of there. You just sit there and take it do you? What if there's more than one of them? Ah sure let them off. That'll teach them not to do it to other people won't it.

    Dangerous sh*te talk.

    I have no intention of letting anyone box the head off me. I'm just saying it's not as simplistic as they hit you, so you're fully justified in hitting them back.

    Some drunken bint looses the plot on the nitelink and you respond by braking her jaw - no that's just not acceptable.
    You could push her away, you could grab hold of her, you could slap her even.

    You don't have a free pass to go all Conor McGregor just because she hit you first.


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    #216
    Baggly
    Registered Users Posts: 35,024 ✭✭✭✭Baggly


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Please show me just one example in this thread where anyone has suggested such experiences are the victims fault. Just one will do. Otherwise your argument is based on nothing.

    Will this do?
    anna080 wrote: »
    A few weeks ago in a bar in Galway I was walking up the stairs to the toilet and the guy coming up behind me unzipped my dress all the way down and undid my bra clasp and was going to feel my boob. He got a fine smack in the gob for his efforts.
    suicide_circus wrote: »
    All while you were walking up a flight of stairs?
    limnam wrote: »
    That's some amount of work to get done before the slap.

    Some weirdos out there. Very fast moving weirdos though.
    wakka12 wrote: »
    Gosh he got a lot done before you reacted!


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    #217
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Pter wrote: »
    Will this do?

    Not really.

    They may come across as a bit disbelieving, intentionally or otherwise - but no one is blaming anna.

    Find one that says "what do you expect, bringing your tits to a pub"


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    #218
    Omackeral
    Registered Users Posts: 32,956 ✭✭✭✭Omackeral


    sbsquarepants wrote: »

    I have no intention of letting anyone box the head off me. I'm just saying it's not as simplistic as they hit you, so you're fully justified in hitting them back.

    Some drunken bint looses the plot on the nitelink and you respond by braking her jaw - no that's just not acceptable.
    You could push her away, you could grab hold of her, you could slap her even.

    You don't have a free pass to go all Conor McGregor just because she hit you first.

    If you read back a page or two you'll see that I was physically attacked and I didn't go all Conor McGregor on her. I probably never would.

    My point still stands that I wouldn't lose any sleep if I saw some aggressive and violent bitch get a good belt back for dishing one out. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.


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    #219
    Baggly
    Registered Users Posts: 35,024 ✭✭✭✭Baggly


    sbsquarepants wrote: »
    Not really.

    They may come across as a bit disbelieving, intentionally or otherwise - but no one is blaming anna.

    Find one that says "what do you expect, bringing your tits to a pub"

    Oh i see, so we should only read things literally?

    So above, when you said that

    'You don't have a free pass to go all Conor McGregor just because she hit you first.'

    When did someone in the thread suggest that going all Conor McGregor was ok. Can you show me one example in the thread?


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    #220
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    sbsquarepants wrote: »
    Not really.

    They may come across as a bit disbelieving, intentionally or otherwise - but no one is blaming anna.

    Find one that says "what do you expect, bringing your tits to a pub"

    The clear implication is that she was in some way complicit because those posters don't believe the offender would have been able to open her dress without her noticing, which just makes it obvious that they have never worn a dress that unzips at the back.


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    #221
    Koala Sunshine
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 125 ✭✭Koala Sunshine


    kylith wrote: »
    The clear implication is that she was in some way complicit because those posters don't believe the offender would have been able to open her dress without her noticing, which just makes it obvious that they have never worn a dress that unzips at the back.

    That's your implication, not everyone elses.


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    #222
    Ninjini
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,137 ✭✭✭Ninjini


    I won’t be teaching my sons “ you don’t hit girls”. I’ll be telling them not to hit anyone, unless that person hits first. In that case, do enough to protect yourself. Doesn’t matter if the attacker is male or female. You lose the moral high ground when you throw the first punch imo.

    I was molested as a child. Thankfully, I have very few memories of what happened.

    I have also had men drop the hand when giving a hug or brushing passed.

    Had someone grind against me when standing on a packed Luas.


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    #223
    dinorebel
    Registered Users Posts: 2,270 ✭✭✭dinorebel


    Pat Mustard wrote: »
    There is no question of this being made up. I saw the chap with his phone in his hand. He refused to delete the video that he had just taken and he refused to hand up his phone. He upset Whoops and others and he was promptly ejected by security. It was an absolute disgrace.

    So that's one cmod ruled out:cool:


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    #224
    hatrickpatrick
    Registered Users Posts: 17,797 ✭✭✭✭hatrickpatrick


    Thankfully, no. I was in an emotionally f*cked up and abusive "relationship" when I was 19 but I never allowed it to progress to anything sexual before gathering the balls to pull the plug on it altogether. Horrific enough experience even without the sexual aspect though so I really shudder to think how much worse that would have been.


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    #225
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    kylith wrote: »
    The clear implication is that she was in some way complicit because those posters don't believe the offender would have been able to open her dress without her noticing, which just makes it obvious that they have never worn a dress that unzips at the back.

    Those posts were so obviously skeptical that it's almost impossible to believe that people are saying they weren't casting doubt on what happened to Anna. :confused:

    People can have their wallets removed from an inside pocket without noticing, why is so hard to believe someone can quickly drop a zip while you're busy going up a stairs in a busy area with distractions?

    Not that I'm surprised at the doubt. :(


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    #226
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    kylith wrote: »
    The clear implication is that she was in some way complicit because those posters don't believe the offender would have been able to open her dress without her noticing, which just makes it obvious that they have never worn a dress that unzips at the back.

    I don't get that from it at all to be honest. Disbelief certainly, but not complicity in any way.
    Pter wrote: »
    Oh i see, so we should only read things literally?

    If you're offering up posts as an example of something, it would make more sense if they were actually examples of that thing. That's all.
    Omackeral wrote: »
    If you read back a page or two you'll see that I was physically attacked and I didn't go all Conor McGregor on her. I probably never would.

    My point still stands that I wouldn't lose any sleep if I saw some aggressive and violent bitch get a good belt back for dishing one out. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

    I'm not getting at you at all. I would likely have myself reacted the exact way that you did.

    I'm just making the point that all hitting is not created equal, the average woman punching me and me punching her back is just not the same thing. I'm likely to suffer a lot less injury from her, than I would cause to her. That's just a fact of biology.


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    #227
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,104 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Pter wrote: »
    Will this do?
    Hardly. And on the face of it a kinda understandable question of how could someone not notice(especially I'd reckon for men as men's clothes tend to be tighter fitting and any move to open buttons or zips would be more apparent). Though as Anna pointed out later she was half cut so took longer than she might have to notice*. However not one person blamed her. But if you want to keep peddling the victimhood narrative work away. You'll have enough support for it anyway.





    *doesn't have to be sexual assault, any unexpected stuff out of the ordinary can catch you out, sober or drunk. Years ago some scumbag tried to pick my pocket in a pub and they had their hand in my back pocket for what must have been fair few seconds and it took longer for the penny to drop about what was going on. By the time what passes for my brain got in gear scumbag was gone. Pickpockets rely on that natural human response. I suspect creepy bastards likewise.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #228
    B0jangles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,951 ✭✭✭B0jangles


    Wibbs, you've contributed nothing to the thread beyond some handwringing about the dangers of mob-rule and witch-hunts, despite the fact that no-one has been named or identified by anyone, plus the odd opinion on whether peoples experiences are actually credible or not.

    The thread titled asked people if they had ever had an unwanted sexual experience; people are sharing those experiences. I for one, do not need to reread Wibbs' Dissertation on Mobs, Witchhunts and the Modern Victimhood Narrative tm for the 100th time.


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    #229
    Baggly
    Registered Users Posts: 35,024 ✭✭✭✭Baggly


    Wibbs wrote: »
    But if you want to keep peddling the victimhood narrative work away. You'll have enough support for it anyway.

    You are very quick to put words, agendas and narratives in my mouth.

    You have made your (in my opinion) unwarranted point about mobs and have been a bang up (in my opinion) unneeded devils advocate.

    People have been trying to share more stories in between all these posts about if this is a male v female thread, when it clearly isnt that.

    I dont think you are helping the thread or fulfilling the OP by your contribution. I believe the people not sharing their stories (myself included) need to step back and let other share theirs. Do you feel this is untrue?

    You can justfiy away the skepticism shown towards some of the stories as not explicitly calling the stories untrue (even if the questions posited are clearly highly skeptical and verging on victim blaming to anyone that would even think about empathising with the story teller for a second) - but thats not really the point is it? This isnt a 'find the witchhunt', 'find the untrue story' or 'Wibbs judges your unwanted sexual experience' thread, so how are you answering the OP with your posts?


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    #230
    Omackeral
    Registered Users Posts: 32,956 ✭✭✭✭Omackeral


    sbsquarepants wrote: »
    I'm just making the point that all hitting is not created equal, the average woman punching me and me punching her back is just not the same thing. I'm likely to suffer a lot less injury from her, than I would cause to her. That's just a fact of biology.

    And that's a fair point. My point is I'll never have sympathy for the initial aggressor. So while I'm 99% sure I wouldn't do it unless absolutely forced to, I wouldnt give a f*ck if someone else did.


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    #231
    job seeker
    Registered Users Posts: 5,115 ✭✭✭job seeker


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Again - and it's understandable - you're giving a good demonstration of how mob rule tends to work. In every narrative there are three sides; one side, the other and the truth. Whenever society puts too much weight on either of the first two, it's not good. At all*. Justice in a civilised society attempts or should attempt to tease out the last one.




    *on the subject matter of the thread examples would be certain societies that automatically assume the woman is at fault QV: Iran and not so long ago many western societies including our own. Idiotic. Equally idiotic is to automatically assume the man is always at fault. That pendulum can swing too damned far in the other direction in the search for a balance. And IMHO we're seeing that at the moment in the West.

    Yeah, I see where you're coming from. I think that a lack of life experience plays a large influence in my opinion on such a subject.


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    #232
    Barry Badrinath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,460 ✭✭✭Barry Badrinath


    Pat Mustard wrote: »
    There is no question of this being made up. I saw the chap with his phone in his hand. He refused to delete the video that he had just taken and he refused to hand up his phone. He upset Whoops and others and he was promptly ejected by security. It was an absolute disgrace.

    Thats one creepy motherfcuker!

    And Boards HQ are A-OK with having that type of person in a leadership role and representing the site.

    Thats fcuked up, total pervert.


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    #233
    banie01
    Registered Users Posts: 16,556 ✭✭✭✭banie01


    Barry Badrinath wrote: »

    And Boards HQ are A-OK with having that type of person in a leadership role and representing the site.

    If nothing else happened at all.
    The fact that this person upset a number of people.
    Was ejected by security from an event organised by Boards, and no actual investigation or review seems to have taken place before the person was granted/Rewarded with a C-Modship fiefdom is worrying to say the least.

    Boards however is a private company and can do whatever they like in this instance I suppose.


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    #234
    Barry Badrinath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,460 ✭✭✭Barry Badrinath


    banie01 wrote: »
    Boards however is a private company and can do whatever they like in this instance I suppose.

    True.

    They have a long list of things they dont want to be associated with but perverts are ok.


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    #235
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,104 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    B0jangles wrote: »
    Wibbs, you've contributed nothing to the thread beyond some handwringing about the dangers of mob-rule and witch-hunts, despite the fact that no-one has been named or identified by anyone,
    A moderator of the site, who will I have no doubt be "outed" in time, has been accused of impropriety and many have come along to call for his head.
    plus the odd opinion on whether peoples experiences are actually credible or not.
    I'm calling dishonest bollocks on that statement. Show me were I questioned the credibility of anyone's experiences.
    I for one, do not need to reread Wibbs' Dissertation on Mobs, Witchhunts and the Modern Victimhood Narrative tm for the 100th time.
    Clearly you do, as you're missing the point by a country mile.
    Pter wrote: »
    You are very quick to put words, agendas and narratives in my mouth.
    It requires scant effort on my part.
    You have made your (in my opinion) unwarranted point about mobs and have been a bang up (in my opinion) unneeded devils advocate.
    I have simply asked for calm on one matter raised on the first page.
    People have been trying to share more stories in between all these posts about if this is a male v female thread, when it clearly isnt that.
    I never said it was. I did say going from one extreme of idiocy to the other was hardly beneficial. Bit of a difference.
    This isnt a 'find the witchhunt',
    If you can't see the numerous posts from numerous posters calling for the head of this c-mod(and Boards as an entity) I dunno what thread you're reading. To save you the search just read the last few posts above this one. Not that I disagree with the sentiment of said posts BTW and have supported the person who was the target of this creepiness.
    'find the untrue story'
    Which I never have. That's sheer dishonesty.
    'Wibbs judges your unwanted sexual experience' thread
    Didn't do that either. More sheer dishonesty.

    Go ahead; call me a "victim blamer", hell go the whole hog and call me a "rape apologist". It'll be total and utter bullsh1t, but whatever makes ye happy.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #236
    Baggly
    Registered Users Posts: 35,024 ✭✭✭✭Baggly


    Wibbs wrote: »
    A moderator of the site, who will I have no doubt be "outed" in time, has been accused of impropriety and many have come along to call for his head. I'm calling dishonest bollocks on that statement. Show me were I questioned the credibility of anyone's experiences.

    Clearly you do, as you're missing the point by a country mile.

    It requires scant effort on my part.

    I have simply asked for calm on one matter raised on the first page.

    I never said it was. I did say going from one extreme of idiocy to the other was hardly beneficial. Bit of a difference.

    If you can't see the numerous posts from numerous posters calling for the head of this c-mod(and Boards as an entity) I dunno what thread you're reading. To save you the search just read the last few posts above this one. Not that I disagree with the sentiment of said posts BTW and have supported the person who was the target of this creepiness.

    Which I never have. That's sheer dishonesty.
    Didn't do that either. More sheer dishonesty.

    Go ahead; call me a "victim blamer", hell go the whole hog and call me a "rape apologist". It'll be total and utter bullsh1t, but whatever makes ye happy.

    It seems clear you want to further your own ideas here rather than discuss this with me. You plainly cut out the one question i asked you, and proceeded to dissect everything else.

    And for the record, i never called you a victim blamer; and if i wanted to call you an apologist, i would; but i dont, so i didnt. Yet again all too eager to call people on what you disagree with and then end your post by sweepingly and incorrectly putting words in their mouth.


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    #237
    Boards.ie: Niamh
    Boards.ie Employee Posts: 12,597 ✭✭✭✭✭Boards.ie: Niamh
    Boards.ie Community Manager


    Hi all,
    I wanted to acknowledge that we are aware of the issues raised in this thread and we are investigating.

    This is being taken seriously, but we need to inform ourselves before we make any decisions.

    Thanks.

    How can I? User's guide to some features on the new site



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    #238
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Boards.ie: Niamh wrote: »
    Hi all,
    I wanted to acknowledge that we are aware of the issues raised in this thread and we are investigating.

    This is being taken seriously, but we need to inform ourselves before we make any decisions.

    Thanks.

    Should have been done when it first was brought to the attention of the suits in fairness, it happened four years ago like. But fair play for the update.


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    #239
    Zulu
    Registered Users Posts: 10,965 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    Jesus, there's a fair job being done to haul Wibbs over the coals and derail this thread from posters so concerned to "hear others experiences".
    :rolleyes:


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    #240
    B0jangles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,951 ✭✭✭B0jangles


    Wibbs wrote: »
    A moderator of the site, who will I have no doubt be "outed" in time, has been accused of impropriety and many have come along to call for his head. I'm calling dishonest bollocks on that statement. Show me were I questioned the credibility of anyone's experiences.

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=106192862&postcount=228

    Whether you intended to or not, you felt it was necessary to offer your opinion on whether or not Anna's post was credible. Neither she, nor any other person describing their own experiences needs to know whether or not you believe them
    Wibbs wrote: »
    Clearly you do, as you're missing the point by a country mile.

    No, I really really don't.

    In one form or another I think you must have posted that versions of that same opinion a dozen times across various threads. It wasn't convincing the first time and repetion rarely strengthens an argument.


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    #241
    Ajsoprano
    Closed Accounts Posts: 698 ✭✭✭Ajsoprano


    Zulu wrote: »
    Jesus, there's a fair job being done to haul Wibbs over the coals and derail this thread from posters so concerned to "hear others experiences".
    :rolleyes:

    How dare he talk with a level head and sense in a thread where somebody can get thanks by demanding somebodies life is ruined when they haven’t all the facts.


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